


dreamwalker

by eliizabethyork



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Rey/Rose, F/F, Falling In Love, Finn BECOMES A DOCTOR, Finn's Parents are Alive, Force Sensitive Finn, Force Visions, I just want to give Finn and the rest of our babies the story they deserved, Illness, Love Confessions, M/M, New Planets, Not For Kylo/Reylo Fans, Panic Attacks, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22699039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliizabethyork/pseuds/eliizabethyork
Summary: Finn swallowed hard at the lump in his throat. He had never thought he would offer this but if - "Is there such a thing as remembering our past lives through the Force?"Leia blinked. "Um, yes. In a manner of speaking. Can I ask why?""I think I am remembering my family," Finn whispered, his gaze flickering towards the floor. "And that they hold something that could...help. Help Poe."Leia's brows shoot up her forehead but she doesn't call him crazy like he had thought she would. "Oh Finn." There's that intense look in her eyes, that one that he is now feeling in the pit of his stomach. Hope...Poe's dying and Finn is going mad trying to find a way to save him. He soon discovers through the Force that his parents are alive and well and hold the key to saving the life of the man that he is(stupidly, madly, deeply)in love with.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Rose Tico
Comments: 26
Kudos: 103





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: Warning, folks. If you missed the tags, this is not a story for Reylo/Kylo stans. I’m sorry. If you are one of those, turn back now. 
> 
> This almost completely ignores The Last Jedi and Skywalker, but I am keeping the characters. All righty, enjoy! Prepare, it's an emotional roller-coaster ride.

.

.

It had been surprisingly easy for Finn to walk away from being a soldier. He had thought it would be more of a dilemma for him, more of a _struggle._ Being a soldier was all he had ever known. And now... _now_ he just didn’t want to do that anymore. 

When he woke up in the medbay after eleven long days, he was encased in a plastic suit with gallons of bacta surrounding him. He didn’t remember what happened at first, what had landed him there. But then it all came back with a screeching blast to his own brain. _Ren._

And again, he was surprised that he was not overwhelmed with the desire to rip Ren’s head from his shoulders. He certainly hated the man, and wanted him deep in a prison cell, never to see the light of day again. _But -_ he wasn’t completely sure what the feeling was now when he thought of Ren. But it certainly was not rage. He just...wanted to live. 

Wasn’t that the whole reason for escaping? _Living._

Poe offers him a place on Yavin Four. After those days in medbay, knee deep in physical therapy and rehabilitation, Finn now knew the complete history of Yavin and all of it’s traditions. Poe was there every single day, one way or another. “You deserve a break, buddy. My dad would be delighted to help you. He already thinks you hung the moons in the sky.” 

Finn had laughed disbelievingly at that. “For goodness sakes, _why?”_

Poe shrugged. “Because you saved me,” he said simply, like that answer should be good enough for him. 

It’s not. 

Finn wants to do something, but he doesn’t want to be on the battlefield. At least, not unless he is absolutely needed. He’s pretty sure he’s Force sensitive. He had long ago suspected it, even during those last nights being in the First Order’s clutches. Feeling the pain, the fear - or even worse, the _emptiness_ of those around him was enough to send him right over the edge. So when that crazy pilot had started shooting at his fellow soldiers to save the villagers in the middle of the darkened desert, Finn knew then he had to do something crazy too. He had to get out of there. 

“You could be a medic.” 

He blinked up at the General, half tempted to glance over his shoulder and see who she is talking too. Leia smiled like she knew what was going on in his brain, her fingers sliding around her mug. “Ma’am?” 

“Leia,” she responded, shifting forward in her seat. “And you heard me. Have you ever considered the medical field? We are in dire need of more of those around here.” 

What was absolutely _mad_ to him was that Finn _had_ thought of it. More than once. The moment that Kalonia had handed him a mirror so he could see the barely there scar on his back, his interest in knowing _how_ to help other people survive what he should not have survived rose rather abruptly. And the force could help him. 

“The force could help you.” The mug in Finn’s own hand falls to the table with a loud _thunk._ Leia ignores his apologies, tossing him a handful of napkins for him to clean up the spilled tea. “People like us -” Finn looked up at that and Leia flashed him a knowing smile. “ - not all of our paths lead to the battlefield.” 

Finn had stared at her like an idiot after that, unable to believe his ears. “Truly?” he had asked, feeling rather small. 

Leia reached over and patted his hand. “ _Truly_. You do not have to become a Jedi, Finn. If that is not where you feel your mind and your soul is telling you to go, then _don’t._ You have control over your choices with the Force. Rey is not the best example to follow, that girl has never been able to stop herself from running headfirst into a fight.” 

“While I ran away from them,” Finn murmured softly. 

He glanced up when Leia’s hand tightened around his. _No._ She had not spoken the word aloud. “Don’t ever say that again, Finn. Not in my presence, and especially in Poe or Rey’s.” Her fingers dig into his skin, the pain anchoring him. “You are one of the bravest men I have ever met. What you did that day -” Her voice broke and heat broke out on the back of Finn’s neck. Leia licked her lips, taking in a deep breath as she struggled to gain her composure. “I owe you. And I am very proud of you.” _Do you hear me?_

“Yes, General - er _Leia.”_

She turned his hand loose then, both of them realizing her grip was cutting off the blood circulation to his fingers. “Now, I can speak to Dr. Kalonia, I am sure she’d be delighted to bring you in as a student…” 

He started work in the medbay that following morning. And _loved it._

As soon as Kalonia put a medical chart in his hands and taught him how to read the symbols and abbreviations scattered across the page, something changed in Finn’s heart. A comfort crossed his chest, something that he had not felt in forever. Something telling him, deep within his soul that this was right. This was _home._

* * *

_Finn couldn’t remember ever being on another planet beside Jakku and D’Qar. Since being pulled away from his family at the age of six, the rest of his life had been spent in the sky, aboard a cold, lifeless ship. Those people around him, whenever they dared show their faces - there was no light. Not around them, not even in their own eyes._

_He loved taking long walks on D’Qar. There would be those rare moments that he could sneak away, all alone, and practice floating leaves and pebbles deep in the woods and away from any prying eyes. Sometimes he would settle down beside a thick tree and rest his eyes, just for a minute...those stolen moments were the best kind of sleep._

_Med bay was slow and he was pacing the floor, itching to do something, anything at all. Finn was starting to understand what Poe felt like in those few times that the General had to ground him due to injury or illness. Finn felt caged, and the energy of the Force was screaming at him to_ do something. _Kalonia pushed him out the door with a hurried, “Go have a run or something, you’re driving me mad!” Finn didn’t hesitate to obey, quickly swinging by his quarters to grab his running shoes before heading out the door, his comm tight on his belt._

_He ends up down by the water. Sweat coats his forehead and soaks through his shirt, staining the dark red linen. Finn leans over the water and scoops up a handful of it, letting the drops brush over his forehead and drip down the back of his neck. The weather was changing rather rapidly, and he knew the warm season was upon them._

_With a grunt, Finn settled down next to his favorite tree and rested his head against the thick bark. There’s a small pebble settled in the dirt beside his right hand, a rather smooth stone with a shine of blue through the center. Finn allows his eyes to fall closed and concentrates, and when he opens them, the pebble is now in his left hand. A small smile pulls his lips up. Finn supposed it was silly to get excited over something as simple as making a pebble move but -_

_That was the point. It was simple. And beautiful._

_A child comes running through the brush._

_Finn freezes, his breath clogged in his throat. The boy couldn’t be more than five years old, tousled curls splayed over his head like he had just gotten out of bed. He turns then, catching Finn’s eye and smiling almost knowingly at him._

_“Nate! Nate, get back here!” Another child tumbles through the trees, this one a girl. She seemed slightly older than the boy, their smiles exactly the same. “Niata, you know Momma told you you couldn’t go further than the fence!”_

_“She said the same thing to you, Maye!” The boy retorts with a mischievous giggle. “Come on, I’ll race you home!”_

_The girl - Maye - rolled her eyes. “On the count of three then?” The boy nods. “One…” The girl takes off like a shot, leaving her little brother behind._

_Nate follows, still laughing. “You cheated! I’m telling Momma!”_

_“Like she’s going to believe you!”_

_The radio on Finn’s hip begins to crackle with static._ “Nate? Nate, can you hear me?” 

_Nate? But --_

“Finn?” 

* * *

When he wakes, the radio is clenched so hard in Finn's fingers that his knuckles are turning white. _“Finn? Finn, it’s Kalonia. I need you back at base right now.”_

* * *

“You don’t do anything in halves, do you?” 

Poe grinned sheepishly up at him, his dark eyes crinkled in embarrassment. “Rose said I should just add ‘Disaster’ to my name. Poe Disaster Dameron.” 

Finn chuckled as he examined the gash at Poe's hairline. "Well I wouldn't call you a _disaster,_ per se. How about a walking menace?" Poe's snort turned into a hiss as Finn's thumb brushed a particularly painful spot on his head. "Stars, Poe, how exactly did you get yourself knocked out?" 

"I wasn't _knocked out - ("Yes you were.") -_ Shut up, Jess. I wasn't even unconscious!" 

Jessika Pava rolled her eyes, Poe's helmet cradled in her fingers. "You were out like a light for a full fifteen seconds. That gives us cause to worry, dummy." 

Finn met Jess's eyes over the top of Poe's head. "She is right, you know." 

He hid a snicker when Jess preened. "Hey! I thought you were on my side, _doctor?"_

Finn brushed a drop of bacta over the edge of the gash, watching as the clear liquid began to seep into the wound. "Not a doctor yet, commander." 

Jess gagged. "God you _two._ Glad you're not dead, Disaster Dameron. I'll see you all later." 

Poe waited until Jess had left the examining room before turning his gaze back up to Finn. "It really wasn't that bad, Finn, so please don't worry." 

"It's never that bad with you, Poe," Finn whispered. He moved to the foot of the bed to reach into the cooler and pulled out an ice pack. As he rose, he sees a dribble of blood on the blue sheets by Poe's leg. As he moves around the edge of the bed, the drip gets bigger and becoming a puddle. The pant leg of Poe's flight suit is torn and ragged and Finn can see more blood slowly seeping out and onto the sheets. Finn glances up at Poe, passing him the ice pack. "Here, put this on your forehead. Give me a second." 

"What are you doing - _ow!"_ Finn's hand seared white hot as it pressed against Poe's leg. Little white spots danced across his vision and he almost fell forward and probably would have if Poe's hand hadn't reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder. "What the hell --?" 

Finn struggled to steady himself, great gasping breaths rattling his chest. "Did you even notice ( _cough)_ the hole _(hiccup)_ in your leg?" 

Poe's eyes widened and he shook his head, reaching down to pull up his torn pant leg to reveal stained blood and smooth skin underneath. "Did you just -- _Finn --"_

Finn's fingers dug into the side of the gurney, the dots in front of his eyes finally fading away. "I'm okay - it's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you --" 

The other man quickly shook his head. "You - you _didn't -_ that was incredible. Have you always been able to do that?" 

"No, not always. I mean, I can relieve minor pain but I could never --" He lifts his eyes to meet Poe's at last. "I guess I never had true incentive to try that." Finn briefly hesitated. "You're not angry or…"

Poe cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Afraid of you? _Finn,_ why would I be afraid of you? Finn, it's - it's _you."_ Finn felt his heart jump right into his throat, and Poe's hand gently laid over his. "It's you, Finn. You're nothing like -" 

" _Him,"_ Finn finished. Poe nodded. "I was afraid to tell you, to be honest. I thought that - well, you know. Rey was enough to be around and -- _well -_ " 

Poe's fingers tightened around his. "Have you thought about what you're going to do? Are you going to train with Rey and Skywalker?" 

Finn shakes his head. "No. _No._ I don't -- that's not what the force is telling me to do. Which frightens me, Poe." _Because Leia said that not all paths lead to the battlefield._ "I don't want --" _Kriff,_ why is he pouring his heart out in the middle of the hospital exam room? "I don't want to return to that." 

"To be a soldier again," Poe finishes softly, nodding in understanding. "Then don't." He licked his lips. "Finn, the day that you threw down your rifle in that field on Jakku, you chose for yourself. You are the strongest person I have ever known - _("Poe -") -_ No let me finish. If this is where the force is telling you to be, and it's where you _want_ to be - then do it. You listen to no one but your own heart. Do you understand?" 

A small smile lifts the corners of Finn's mouth and he reaches up to gently pat Poe's cheek. "Thanks, Poe - whoa!" 

"What?" 

"You're on fire!" He shoves Poe back against the pillows and reaches for the scanner, nearly tripping over a silent BB-8 in the process. Damn, he had forgotten the little droid was there. "Poe, you have a temperature of 102, how are you still standing?" 

Poe shrugged. "I'm not, I'm sitting - just a joke BB!" he adds when BB-8 begins burbling out a series of annoyed clicks and squeaks. "Finn, I'm _fine -_ ow!" He glared down at his own arm where Finn had just slid a needle into the vein. "A little warning next time, huh?" 

Finn fought back his annoyance. The stupid nerfherder. "It's fluids to help you cool off. I've got to get back to work. BB-8, make sure he stays here for at least an hour. He tries to move, fire when ready." 

BB-8 flipped out his lighter in understanding and then turned menacingly towards Poe, his electric prod pointed in his direction. Poe paled, eyes wide. "Hey, you can't --!" 

Finn smirked as he walked out the door and let it close tightly behind him.

* * *

"We're going to Osip." 

Finn lifted his face from the paperwork he had been pouring over since late last night. He might have fallen asleep on them actually. There was a piece still stuck to his cheek, to which a smirking Jess pulled off. " _Eurgh -"_ He coughs, trying to clear the sleep gunk from his throat. "We are?" 

Kalonia is suddenly at Jess's shoulder. "We got a distress call. Their base there, one of their pilots is down with bloodburn. They have never had to deal with that before and I -" she briefly hesitates. "Sadly I am the only one that is trained in treatment. Pava is going to be flying us and you are coming too." 

Finn raised his brows, but doesn't argue. "When are we leaving?" 

"Ten minutes," Jess replies. "So go get your shit and meet us in the hangar. You might be able to say goodbye to Poe before we go, the last I saw him he was arguing with Rose over the tune ups she wants to give Black One. Frankly I like her ideas - I would _love_ to have my ship suped up. Maybe extra blasters that pop out the bottom?" 

Finn leaves her in mid sentence, making the quick trip to his own quarters and grabbing up a duffel and stuffing two days worth of clothes into it. After a quick pop into the fresher to brush his teeth, he heads down to the hangar and true to Jess's word, Rose and Poe are locked in quite a loud argument with Rey leaning against the ship in question, stuffing what looks to be a biscuit in her mouth. Seriously, the girl has always got food on her person, how does she do it? 

"For the last _time,_ Tico - I do not need that - hey!" Poe breaks off when he sees their little group. "Where are you guys going?" 

BB-8 rolls forward from underneath Black One, beeping the same question. Kalonia rattles off the same explanation she gave him, walking away during it to toss her bag into the open door of Jess's ship. "We'll be back within the week so please, all of you behave yourselves and try not to get yourselves in more trouble while Finn and I are not here. Understood?" She gets a rouse of head nods from the three humans, and a beep of confirmation from the droid. "Let's go." 

Jess follows after waving at Rose and swiping Rey's biscuit, cackling at her squawk of protest. "You be safe out there," Rey tells Finn. "Do you have your blaster?" 

"Yes _Mom,"_ Finn chuckles, patting his waistband. "And I will be." He accepts the soft hug Rose offers. "Try not to blow up Poe's ship," he whispers. 

"I will _not..._ promise." 

"I heard that!" 

Rose trotted off after Poe, who was trying to sneakily slip back into his ship without Rose seeing, BB-8 trailing after her. Finn caught Poe's smile through the window, returning the wave.

_Be safe._

_You too._

He turned to Rey, who wore a questioning look on her face. "Keep an eye on Poe, okay? He had a high fever a few days ago and he really shouldn't be here. Just make sure he doesn't try to take off out of here or something." 

Rey nodded. "I will. Can I --?" she waggled her fingers towards her own temple. "Just in case?" 

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine. I'll see you in a few days - ( _"Finn!") -_ Ah the queen calls, I gotta go." After a quick hug and another wave towards Black One where he knows Rose and Poe can see him, he lightly takes the steps to Blue Three and the door vacuums shut. Within minutes, they're off. 

* * *

"Osip looks a lot like Naboo." 

Finn hummed, his eyes peeled to the window. Once the ship is landed safely at the port, they shuffle off to where a humanoid is waiting for them, wearing a uniform of deep blue. "I'm L'arta Cummings. Are you Dr. Kalonia?" 

"That's me," Kalonia passes over her identification and Jess and Finn follow suit. "This is Lieutenant Jessika Pava, and my medic Finn. Finn will be assisting me during the treatment." 

L'arta nodded, her second set of arms reaching for Jess and Finn's IDs. "That's good, the more help we have, the quicker we can get this done. Please follow me, I will bring you to the hospital." 

They follow her to a vehicle parked about twenty yards away, a group of people coming up to move Blue Three into the hangar. "Finn, they're touching my baby!" Jess wailed, trying to run back to the ship. Finn grabbed her wrist, pulling her back. "If there is _one_ scratch on her, it will be curtains for the lot of you! Hey, don't flip me off!" 

_"Lieutenant,_ we really don't have time for this," Finn admonished her before half dragging her to the car where Kalonia and L'arta were waiting. 

The city of Osip Central stretches far and wide, the buildings standing high in the sky. The small vehicle carries them right into the mouth of what looks to be another ship hangar but instead, Finn's vision almost immediately whites out for a second due to the brightness of the lights. The door closes behind them, letting out a large gust of air as the air locks kick in. A man approaches them, wearing a uniform much like the one Kalonia and Finn both wear, but in different colors. "Dr. Kalonia, I'm Dr. Vir. Thank you so much for coming on such short notice." 

"It really wasn't any trouble, doctor. I want to introduce you to my medic Finn," she extends her hand towards Finn. "He will be assisting me in the treatment." 

Vir shook Finn's hand, nodding politely in Jessika's direction. "Your pilot will have to wait here. No one but medical personnel through those doors." 

Jess hung back, turning to L'arta. Finn heaved a big sigh, squared his shoulders, and followed Kalonia and Vir. 

* * *

The patient is a young woman in her twenties, her face burning red with a fever of nearly 105 degrees. 

Finn sucks in a breath when he sees her, his heart tightening in his chest. "Finn? Are you all right?"

Nodding at Kalonia's question, he turns to her. "Where do we start?" 

"I want you to look at her chart and get her vitals," Kalonia sets her medical bag on the chair, pulling out a holosteth. "What do you see?" 

Finn's fingers brushed over the datapad. "Uh, twenty nine years old. Heartrate is 140, blood pressure is 160 over 90 - how has she not coded yet?"

"I got some sass against death. It's not ready for me yet." Finn jumped about a foot in the air, his eyes darting to the girl in the bed. She's awake, her eyes soft in her exhausted face. "The name's Bria. Commander Bria Tilya. And you? Are you another doctor here to poke me with needles and look at me with that sad face?" 

"Uh -"

Bria smiled, the mere movement obviously exhausting for her. "Don't sweat it, handsome. I know I'm dying." 

Finn bit down hard on his bottom lip, casting a helpless glance in Kalonia's direction. The older woman shook her head, moving over to the side of the bed. "Bria, I'm Dr. Kalonia. This is Finn, my medic." 

"Were you brought in to magically cure me, doc?" Bria asks, a hint of a smile still on her lips. "Is it going to come out of that bag?" The datapad is shaking in Finn's hands. "Oh Finn, don't look so sad." 

"I wasn't -" 

"Have you ever seen the effects of bloodburn before?" Bria shifts a bit in the bed, letting out a gasp as Kalonia works around her. "It normally only effects pilots. When we get above the atmosphere, our shields cannot handle the changes and our blood literally starts to burn. Do you know any pilots, Finn?" 

He places the datapad on the end of the bed so it doesn't fly out of his hands. "Yeah I do. Where we come from, most of our base is made up of fighter pilots and ground soldiers." 

"But not you, huh? You are built like a soldier." 

"I used to be," Finn said truthfully. "But I ended up working for Dr. Kalonia instead." 

"Saw too much of that bantha shit, huh?" He chuckled out a laugh. "Well I don't blame you. Stuff like that? It's not for everyone. And frankly, Finn, you are very brave for walking away and letting your heart tell you what to do." 

Finn took Bria's hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. His eyes dart to the monitors on the wall. Her blood pressure is dropping. "And where did your heart tell you to go?" 

Bria yawns. "To the stars." She gives him a sleepy grin. "That's my home." 

And then she's out. Finn gently placed her hand back onto the blankets, slowly raising his eyes to meet Kalonia's knowing ones. "What happens now?" 

"I gave her a sedative so I can give her the hadeira serum injection - which is going to be very painful at first because her body is fighting so hard to burn out the fevers." Kalonia smiles sadly at Bria's sleeping face. "She will only have this one injection. Her case is too far advanced." 

"What does that mean?" Finn asks. "There's nothing you can do for her?" He winces. "Why did they call you, doc? What makes you more skilled than any other doctor here?" 

Kalonia's face doesn't change at Finn's brutal question. "Because I have been trained to deal with cases like this. When bloodburn is caught early enough, the pilot is grounded and well cared for and normally lives a regular lifespan." 

"And when it's not? How many of those cases have you seen?" 

"In my twenty five years practicing medicine, I have seen several of those cases. They all eventually blend together because it's always the same. But the faces don't. I remember every face of every pilot I've had to deliver the news too. And Bria will be another face that I dream about." She hesitates just for a second. "When the case is too far advanced, the fevers spike to dangerous rates and there's pain. A lot of it. And then seizures usually follow, concluded with a coma. The brain is fried by the heat of the disease and --" 

Finn flinched so hard that this time that his hand knocked the datapad from the bed and onto the floor. Bria doesn't stir at the loud noise, and Finn reaches down to scoop the black pad back up. "This could happen to them? To Jess, to Snap - to Rey? To...Poe?" 

"It doesn't mean it's going too, Finn." 

He cannot help but ask, "Why isn't there a cure?" 

Kalonia sighs in defeat and Finn hates every word that comes next. "Because one has never been found." 

* * *

"Tell me, Dr. Finn. Do you have a certain someone back at home?"

Finn couldn't help the way his mouth ticked up at the innocence in Bria's question. Lowering the data pad back into his lap, he replies: "Not a doctor yet and...no. Not quite." He supposed Rey could count as a 'certain someone' but he doubted that was what Bria meant. 

"That doesn't sound so convincing," Bria whispered. She had tugged the oxygen mask that Kalonia had placed on her face down to her chin. Finn rose from his chair and went to gently pull it back up. "He or she? Or both?" 

"You just don't give up, do you?" 

Bria beamed and shook her head. "Nope." 

Finn gives in, sensing Bria is not giving up without a fight in every which way. "If I tell you about him will you please rest? And put your oxygen mask back on?" 

"It's a deal." 

Bria obediently pulls the mask back up over her face and waits. Finn cannot help but laugh, moving his chair up so it's right next to Bria's bed and settles into it. "Okay, uh there are a few someones. _No!_ Not like that," he adds at the raised eyebrows Bria gives him. "There's only one that _is_ like that but I doubt he even knows I exist." 

"Do tell," Bria mumbles through the mask. 

"Why so nosey?" 

"Because I'm _dying_ and I'm _bored,_ Dr. Finn!" Bria demands, gasping at whatever air her lungs had just rapidly used up. "Now tell me." 

Finn rests his arms on the side of the bed, allowing his mind to get swept away. Swept away to that day in the compound when that familiar and thought lost figure in orange had clampered off of his ship and - " _\- into your heart?"_ Finn blinked down at Bria's smug face. Shit, he had said that out loud. "So this fella doesn't know how you feel? He must be oblivious. Has he met you? You have little hearts in your eyes, Dr. Finn!" 

Heat flicks up his chin. "Shut up, no I don't!" 

"Aww, your whole head is blushing, that's so cute!" Rather than counter that, Finn blushes even harder. He half wonders how many people do know about this, if it's so easily written in his face to a complete stranger. "Is he kind?" Bria suddenly asks. 

"Yes," Finn answers immediately. He briefly hesitates if he should tell Bria the whole story, and yet when he looks down at her exhausted face, the hesitation fades and it comes out. All of it. 

When he's done, literally losing breath as he speaks, there's a tear rolling down the side of Bria's face that he gently wipes away. "Oh Finn. Promise me you will tell him. Tell him everything that you just told me. Don't let any time waste, okay? Promise me." 

He nods, sliding her fingers through his. "I promise." 

* * *

Bria takes a turn for the worse that night. 

Finn doesn't ask questions about the _why,_ he follows every order that Kalonia gives as they struggle to stabilize her but every medical option they have falls through. So Finn does what his whole body is screaming at him to do. 

" _Finn -"_

He ignores Kalonia and the nurses, gently picking up Bria's hand in both of his and closing his eyes. The pain is different this time, almost like the fire that had licked up his back the moment that Ren's light saber had sunk into his flesh. But not quite. This pain is red, this pain is mind numbing, and he's sure he would collapse right on the floor if one of the nurses hadn't shoved a chair at him. 

Sweat pours from his face, falling onto his front as he pants in exertion. Bria's breathing begins to even out, and he can hear the beeps of the monitor as her blood pressure begins to drop back down and continue to fall. "Is it happening?" 

Kalonia nods. "This is how it is, Finn." 

He keeps his hand on Bria, leaning forward to brush a finger against her chin. Her eyelids flutter open, her lips trembling. "Th-thank _you."_

The sound of the flatline fills the room. Finn gently places Bria's hand back down and gets to his feet. The same nurse that had shoved the chair at him holds open the door and he doesn't stop until he's outside the hospital, and vomits into the bushes until there is nothing else to come up. 

* * *

_Rey used to tell him that being on the training field brought her peace. Poe had said something similar but his peace was in the air. Rose had just shrugged, offering him a, "Where I can blow bad guys up." Poe had laughed, holding up his palm for her to lightly slap._

_He had thought long and hard about that. Finn wasn't sure why he spent so much time mulling over something so simple - but yet nothing in his life was simple. He supposed that his peace came from his work. From being in the labs and learning new things that would never had been an option if he hadn't literally stolen Poe off of the Finalizer and spend into the air in a TIE fighter._

_Working late was a thing. Kalonia joked that he was thirsty for new information and even after she closed off her shifts, she'd leave him work and studies to read over after she had left the medbay for the night. Sometimes a med droid would find him slumped over the tables in the labs, his face pressed to the many datapads and textbooks that were part of Kalonia's private library. He had gotten so used to being prodded awake, or even sometimes shocked by their little pincers that now the tiniest whisp of sound from their wheels would startle him out of the deadest sleep._

_One night comes, and he's not alone in those labs anymore._

_"Um...hello?"_

_The woman at what is normally_ his _table takes no heed of him, continuing to pour over the charts spread out in front of her. Long raven curls splay down her back in heavy waves, and when he steps around to the side of the table he sees a jeweled headband pushing those curls back from her face. "Excuse me, who --?" She looks up and his voice dies in his throat._

_Taking a giant step back, Finn's back presses to the opposing wall and nearly knocks over something in a glass container. Kalonia is going to kill him for this mess in the morning but right now, he just doesn't have it in him to care. "O-ooh." He continues to stare and the woman stares back, her eyes so like his as she reaches out one hand._

_There are tears in the woman's eyes and Finn feels them falling down his own face. He's not weeping, there isn't a sound coming from his body - but he still cries. Silent tears that spill onto his front, his heart literally tearing right out of his chest. The woman doesn't let her own tears fall, quickly blinking them away and leaning back in her seat. The door opens again and for just a moment, Finn feels like he's looking at his own reflection._

_But it's not. The man that enters does look like him, but there are subtle differences as well. The jaw is slightly wider, and he stands a little taller than Finn. Hell, he's taller than Poe. The smile's the same though...soft and loving and he only has eyes for the woman on the stool. "Hey, love."_

_"Suya, come, look at this," the woman commands and Suya hastens to obey. "I've found something - something that could be the basis for a better treatment for the Yirin virus."_

_"Anything would have to be better than leeches," Suya replies, his voice trembling with a shiver. "Tell me about your brain wave, Astris. I want to hear your genius thoughts."_

_"Don't you sweet talk me, Dr. Elin."_

_"I can sweet talk you all I want, Dr. Elin," Suya leans in and kisses his wife on the shoulder and she leans her head so it's resting against his. "But really, go ahead, I'm listening."_

_The woman...Astris...continues to talk to her husband, but Finn cannot hear the words anymore. Everything around him becomes a static, and the vision in front of him finally begins to blur but Finn tries to cry out - to call out to them - because it's_ them -- 

_He manages a gasp at last, almost sobbing. "Mommy?"_

And then he wakes. 

* * *

"Finn? _Finn!_ Yoohoo!" 

There's a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. Finn pushes against the hold the hand has on him: " _No -"_

"Finn? Buddy, please wake up." Ages ago, after Finn had gotten a split lip from trying to wake Rose from the throes of a horrific nightmare, the four of them worked out a system to wake each other without bodily harm accidentally being done. _Slam!_

Finn sat bolt upright, his vision not fully cooperating for a good ten seconds until he could make out Poe's form at his dresser drawers, his hand prepared to slid one of the drawers out and push it back in again with a loud bang. " _Kriff,_ Poe." 

Poe detangled his fingers from the handle. "You okay? That was a helluva dream you were having." 

Finn mopped at his forehead. "Huh? Oh yeah. Yeah, it was." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Poe asked, folding his arms in front of his chest. 

Finn noticed then that the pilot was in his flight suit. "Um, no. No, thanks, I'm okay. Are you - are you shipping out today?" 

"Hmm? Yeah, the General has got me, Pava, and Kare going on a supply run. We don't have to leave for another hour, I just came by to see if you'd like to grab some breakfast with me before you have to report to medbay for your shift." 

"That sounds great," Finn said, perking up at that. "I'll get dressed." 

Poe gently squeezed his shoulder, his brown eyes soft. "I'll see you down in the mess hall." He left then and Finn's shoulder still tingled from where Poe had touched him, even as he undressed to grab a quick shower. 

* * *

Jess and Kare are seated at their usual table, along with Poe and Rose when he arrives down in the mess hall. The four of them seem to be sharing a huge plate of eggs and toast, the portions spread pretty much in a huge gross mess across the table. Finn grimaces and quickly goes to grab his own plate of food and coffee. 

"Hey Finn! Our commander says you've come to see us off. Are you going to stand in the hangar and wave goodbye to your prince like last time?" 

Poe blushes and kicks Jess under the table. "That was _not --"_

Finn shrugged, a smirk forming on his face. "Sure. That is, if my prince would like me too?" His stomach does a little happy dance at the adorable way Poe's ears flush red. He listens as the girls continue on their conversation, slowly eating his own food. It doesn't take him long to notice that the eggs are actually being consumed by _just_ the girls, Poe having not taken one single bite the whole time he was sitting there. 

Kare meets Finn's eyes over the rim of her coffee cup, her chin jutting down in the tiniest of nods. She had noticed it too. This wasn't like Poe. He usually ate well, his appetite only decreasing when he was…

_"Dameron!"_

Finn managed to leap out of his seat and catch Poe's head before it connected with the floor, the rest of him slumping against Finn's front in a boiling hot heap. Jess kneeled beside them, her hand resting on Poe's forehead. "Shit, you could fry one of these eggs on his head." 

"I need a gurney over here!" Finn bellows. He slowly gets to his feet, wondering if he can actually carry the pilot all the way to medbay but thank the force, a gurney does suddenly materialize at his hip. The four of them move together and lift Poe's unconscious form onto the thin mattress, a loud bellowing beep telling Finn that BB-8 had arrived. 

The trip to medbay doesn't take long, and Finn barks at Jessika to radio the General while doing the same to Kalonia. The doctor is waiting for them when they arrive, a scanner in her hand as they move him in. "Talk to me." 

"Collapsed at breakfast, fever is obviously very high, and he's -- _shit -_ " 

Kare jumps forward. "What the hell -?" 

BB-8 shrieks again. [ Get him on his side! ] 

The seizure takes a good thirty seconds to dissipate after Kalonia shoves a needle of medicine into Poe's bicep. Kalonia's breathing hard, sweat on her forehead and Finn's sure his heart is in his mouth. "All right, that's good. It was tiny, nothing to worry about." 

" _Nothing to worry about?"_ Finn has never seen the normally sarcastic Jessika look so frightened. "What's wrong with him?" 

Kalonia moves the IV around to the side of the bed and gently slides the needle into the inside of Poe's elbow. "I have my suspicions. I need the three of you to go - I'm _sorry -_ " she quickly adds at Kare and Jessika's protests. "Rose, could you --?" 

Rose nods and grabs the hands of the other pilots, steering them out into the hallway. Finn can barely hear Kalonia talking to him, his heart is pounding so hard he half wonders if _she_ can hear it. He brushes back the sweaty hair on Poe's forehead, his thumb smoothing out a furrowed crease in his skin. He waits until he's sure they are alone, his back to Kalonia as she waits for the blood sample to come out of the console on the wall. 

"It's bloodburn, isn't it?" 

The console beeps. 

"Yes." 

BB-8's own beeping sounds an awful lot like sobs. 

* * *

"Finn?" 

Later on Finn wonders what exactly it was that set him off, but at the moment, he truly doesn't care. Great gasping breaths threaten to strangle his chest, and swallow him whole. He can't breathe. He can't _breathe._ A pair of hands are grabbing at him, wrapping around his arms and tugging him out of the hard chair like he was no more than five years old. Before he truly realizes what is going on, he's being shoved into the lab, the door swinging shut behind him and Rey. 

Rey's strength is gentle but firm as she nudges him into a chair and kneels before him, his hands grasped tightly in her small ones. "Finn, breathe with me. _Breathe._ Please watch what I'm doing." Finn struggles to open his eyes to even look at Rey, although he already knows what she is doing. He's coached people through panic attacks before, he's seen them first hand and what they are like but he's never, ever though he'd be on the receiving end of this horrible experience. Rey's hand is on the back of his neck and she's shoving his head down between his spread knees. "...in through your nose and out through your mouth. That's it!" He hears her breathing deeply and he tries desperately to match those sounds. "Good. You're doing so well. In through your nose and out through your mouth. You're okay. You're okay, Finn." 

When he can finally see again, Rey's there. She's there and in front of him and _stars,_ he clings to her like she's going to vanish. "I'm so scared. I don't know if I can --" he gasps again, his voice breaking. "I don't know if I can take this." 

Rey stands slowly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "We'll take it together." She strokes at his jaw, wiping away the wetness sliding down his skin. "Me and Rose will be right here every step of the way, okay?" 

Finn grasped at her fingers and he leaned into her touch. No more words could come out and he didn't try to make them. So he breathed, continuing to mimic Rey's movements and motions. _Breathe in, breathe out._

_In, out._

_In..._

_...out._

* * *

Leia has never been this tired. 

Sure, she's had plenty of nights where sleep was just this misshapen, unknown concept. Hours upon hours of barely holding onto consciousness, while fighting one endless battle after another. They never seemed to stop, even when they actually _did._

Her eyes lifted from her datapad to the man in the bed. A heaviness had settled into her chest, one that she had hoped she would never have to feel again - almost the same as when she had realized the Ben she had held and loved his whole life was truly gone, replaced by this vile creature that wore her son's face. The man in the bed, though - he had taken away some of that ache. His life, his love, his presence in her own life was enough to make her feel a little less lonely. A little less of a failure because he was _good._ Poe was good and kind and special, and he was _her boy._

The pain that had overwhelmed her the moment that Kalonia's words had slipped through her comm, it still stabbed at each cell of her skin. If she could blot out her life force to take away Poe's pain she would. Just one more day, one more day to forget this all happened. 

"L-Leia?" 

Leia made sure to place the datapad on the bedside table before scooting her chair forehead to take Poe's trembling hand in hers. BB-8 rolled forward from his spot at the foot of the bed. [ Friend Poe? ]

"H-hey buddy," Poe's exhausted gaze warmed at the sight of the little droid, turning it away to look at her. She can see that he knows, even before the words leave his mouth. "I'm sorry." 

In another life, she would have cried. She would have yelled, and screamed, and challenged the Force because this just wasn't _fair._ The world takes her son, the love of her life, and her brother is somewhere on the other side of the galaxy, and she will never see him again. 

She had cried then. She cried and screamed and yelled, and begged the gods and the force to bring them all back to her. 

This time she doesn't. 

Her fingers gently brush the limp curls back from Poe's forehead. "Don't even think it. Please." 

Poe obviously uses what strength he has to wrap his thumb around hers, his eyes trained on one of the cracks in the ceiling. BB-8 beeps softly. "She wasn't allowed to fly again." Leia's breath stills. "I think it killed her faster. I just wanted - I _couldn't_ \--" And then the dam breaks. 

He clutches at her as best he can as the tears fall in hot waves. Her own fall into his hair, and she holds him as she once held her own child in her arms, pressing her lips to his forehead. The force came out, trying so hard to relieve some of that suffering, some of that _agony_ and she urged it on. Wordless nonsense falls from her lips and she holds on even tighter. 

* * *

Finn sleeps in the chair beside Poe's bed for the first three nights. Poe had woken that one time, and the pain did him back in almost immediately after. Kalonia administered a drug to help him sleep through the worst of it, and due to the frequent soft moans he heard from the dark head on the pillows, he wondered if that was really true. 

Bria's pain had nearly knocked him out. It had been nearly two days before he could walk a straight line without his knees buckling, but Finn could handle it. Kalonia was going to _kill_ him, but - 

Poe moans again, his head turning to the side. Finn reached over, gently taking his hand in his. Something clicked in his brain and rested it on Poe's own chest before leaning down to gently press his forehead to Poe's temple, breathing in as deeply as he could. 

Then his vision whited out. 

What happens after, Finn doesn't remember. Kalonia found him on the floor, clutching at his own head and chest, soundless cries forming on his lips. The doctor had pulled him up and shoved him back into the chair, her gaze drawn in a mix of fear and irritation. "You're stupid and noble and just so stupid, Finn."

"I know." 

When he woke up again, he was in the room next door, the blankets drawn up to his chest and a note taped to his forehead. Plucking it off, he glanced down at the hastily scribbled handwriting of Jess Pava. 

_I agree with the doc, You are stupid. And wonderful. There's no pain now and he's resting. Thank you. Get some sleep or I will send BB-8 in there to kick your ass._

* * *

_The waters run violet over the rocky cliffside. Finn stands at the edge, his eyes taking in the view of the land spread out before him. A crystal white sun beats down it’s warmth, the rays breaking through the soft clouds and covering Finn’s skin with ease and comfort._

_When another form takes shape beside him, Finn’s eyes trace the little houses tucked in between the magenta and ivory trees out in the distance, their golden roofs shining brighter than anything he had ever seen before._

_Suya’s shoulder brushes against his. “It’s beautiful.”_

_Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Finn agrees. “Yes. Yes, it is.” There’s a small pebble at his feet that he kicks, letting it fall over the cliffside to disappear into the waters that continue to rage. Finn lets his head fall back, his eyes closed as the sun shines, dappling his skin with a comforting heat. He’s pretty sure he can curl up right here on the ground and sleep for so long._

_The words feel foreign on his tongue, even when they slip out into being. “Dad...I’m scared.” There’s a touch at his arm, the feeling of fingers wrapping around his shoulder and holding on. “We’ve barely begun and now --it’s lost. All of it.”_

_“No, son. No.” Finn wrenches his eyes open, his lashes sticking together with clumps of unshed tears. Suya’s own eyes are filled with an intense ache, and Finn’s sure he’s about to cry. “The future is challenged, yes. But it is not lost. It’s okay to be afraid. That’s how we know we’re alive.”_

_“Being afraid is being alive?” Finn asks._

_Suya shakes his head, a sweet smile crossing his face. “_ Loving _is being alive, my boy.” With his eyes falling closed, he breathes in deeply and Finn finds himself matching his movements. "Fear always comes with love."_

_"Do we ever stop being afraid? I -" his voice catches in his throat. "I don't want to be afraid anymore."_

_Suya's fingers hover just above Finn's and he can feel the lightest of touches through the force. "I wish I had the answer you want to hear, son, but -_ no. _We never stop. We just...learn to live with it."_

_Disappointment rises in his chest, but Finn manages to force out what he hopes is a convincing smile. It slides off his face almost instantly. "I'm going to lose him, aren't I?"_

_"Will you let that happen?" Suya asks._

_Finn swallows. "What do -?"_

_Suya's hands wrap around his and Finn nearly gasps from the feeling of it. "Will you let that happen? Will you let him go? Is he - does he want to leave you?"_

_"No. I mean - I don't_ think _so --" Finn sputtered, shaking his head. "I -"_

 _"Then there you go." Suya gently releases his hands, letting them fall to his sides and lifting his own again to wrap it gently around the back of Finn's neck. "Don't let him go. If you know deep in your heart and soul -" His other hand rests on Finn's chest, fingertips pressed into the skin so close to his beating heart. "_ Don't _let him go."_

_"What does that mean?" Finn's voice turned on a dime into a sob. "D-Dad?" All the unsaid words hung heavily in the air. Every little thing that made him feel open and exposed, a raw nerve that was ready to fire just at a moment's notice._

_Suya's fingers brushed against his cheek and he smiled, eyes filled with the deepest, gentlest sort of love. "I know, son. I know."_

* * *

"Finn?" 

Rose froze at the doorway of Poe's room, the datapad hanging limp from her fingers as her eyes took in the sight before her. _Oh._

Tiptoeing in, Rose set the pad down on the chair and picked up the spare blanket from the back of it, easing out the buttery warmth and spreading it over Finn's legs, pulling it up around his shoulders. His arm was gently wrapped around Poe's middle, his face pressed into his neck and Rose briefly wondered if he had tried to take pain again before they fell asleep curled around each other. 

Leaning down, Rose pressed a kiss to Finn's cheek and brushed her fingertips over Poe's chin before stepping back and settling into the chair. She couldn't remember what she had wanted to say to Finn when she walked in here, but it didn't matter. She had a new mission for the night and she intended to see it through. 

* * *

Leia had a private radio that Finn suspected no one else knew about. But now he did, and he sat before it in her office, the door locked behind him. The contact numbers for Kes Dameron were scrawled on a piece of paper, which was now crumpled up into a ball in his fist. 

He didn't want to do this. He couldn't --

The radio _whirred_ as it sent out it's signals. Reaching, and searching, and -- 

" _This is Dameron, on Yavin Four. Leia, if you're going to tell me what I think you're going to tell me, I don't -"_

Finn's blood froze. He licked his lips, his voice coming out in a croak. "Uh, no sir. This is not the General." 

Kes pauses. _"Who is this?"_

"Sir, my name is Finn. I'm a -" 

_"Poe's Finn?"_ Kes chuckles, the sound wiry, followed by a gasp of pain. " _Oh kid...what happened? Is my son -?"_

Finn rapidly shook his head. "No. No, he's okay. I mean - he's - he's sick, sir. Very sick." 

The silence that follows on the other end of the line is deafening. " _He's got it, doesn't he?"_

And that's what sends him over the edge. Not the endless hours sitting at Poe's bedside, to be dragged away only by work and food. Not the sleepless nights scouring their data services for any sort of information on a cure. Not even after taking Poe's pain that one wrenchingly awful afternoon. 

Great gasping sobs choke him. Finn struggles to breathe, trying to remember Rey's soft words in his ear when he had nearly passed out from lack of air. _In through your nose, out through your mouth._ But he couldn't. He couldn't _breathe_ and he didn't want too -- "I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry. This is all my f-fault." 

_"No, Finn, no. Don't say that."_

Finn shook his head stubbornly. "I was his medic. I was in charge of his care and I m-missed it! I missed it!" 

Kes' voice is soft and soothing. The comfort of a parent, long separated from his beloved child. And he's comforting _him._ Finn couldn't understand that. " _Finn, breathe with me. Breathe. Come on, kid."_ The older man sucks in a deep breath on the line, his voice raspy through the signal. " _In through your nose, and out through your mouth. Come on, sweetheart. You're okay. You're okay."_

Finn does what he's told, feeling weaker than ever. "Y-you should h-hate me." 

And for just a moment, he thinks the line had disconnected. That Kes agreed with him and had hung up and left him there all alone. " _Why would I hate you, Finn? You were all my son talked about whenever he radioed home."_ That was...news to Finn. " _Every letter I have from the last few standard months, every other word on the paper is your name. He is so proud of you, Finn. He is so proud of everything that you have done and the great man you have become. That you always have been."_

A tear slid down the curve of Finn's cheek and he hastily wiped it away. "I didn't - I didn't know." 

_"I always knew that one day I would get this call,"_ Kes replies. _"Whether it be a mission was his last or...this. I am going to fly out immediately and I should be there within a day. Do I have -- do I have a day?"_

Finn nodded, brushing at another tear. "Y-yeah." 

_"Okay._ Okay." Kes sighed, his breath hitching on the tears. _"Finn, don't you dare blame yourself. I know this is probably not even registering in your brain if you are anything like my son -"_ Finn bit back a laugh. _"But please._ Please. _Don't. I am so grateful to you."_

A few more tears spilled and Finn didn't bother to wipe them away. "I will see you soon, sir." 

_"See you soon."_ The immediate dead air was replaced by static. Finn reached up and turned the knobs until everything was completely off but he couldn't find the strength to make his legs move. So he didn't try. 

* * *

Maybe ten minutes pass by. Maybe a hundred. Finn isn't exactly sure when he feels Leia's hand gently settle onto his shoulder. "Get up, Finn." 

He does as he's told, but he's directed into the chair behind her desk. She pulls the other chair up in front of him, one hand on his knee. They gaze at each other, both quite tiredly and then they speak at once. 

"We will -" 

"I want you to look into my mind -" 

" -- and then - wait, what?" 

Finn swallowed hard at the lump in his throat. He had never thought he would offer this but _if -_ "Is there such a thing as remembering our past lives through the Force?"

Leia blinked. "Um, yes. In a manner of speaking. Can I ask why?" 

"I think I am remembering my family," Finn whispered, his gaze flickering towards the floor. "And that they hold something that could...help. Help Poe." 

Leia's brows shoot up her forehead but she doesn't call him crazy like he had thought she would. "Oh Finn." There's that intense look in her eyes, that one that he is now feeling in the pit of his stomach. _Hope._ "Okay. But I need explicit consent, all right? Are you absolutely sure you want me to look into your mind?" 

"Yes. Yes, I am." 

Leia stood up from the chair and stepped in front of him, her hands on his shoulders again for just a moment. "Close your eyes and breathe deeply. This is going to be uncomfortable at first, because it is going to be an invasion. I want you to relax and open your thoughts as best you can, almost like you are telling a story." 

Finn does as he's told and almost slumps back into the seat. It's rather easy to let Leia in, to let her feel everything that he had felt. She gasps when she sees the beginning - but then -- there's a storm of colors underneath his eyelids, but only one prominently stands out. _Violet._

He sees the rushing waters and the cliffside, the lab and the two people - _his parents -_ within it's confines. _The little girl with eyes like mine. And the boy - the boy - the boy that is me. I am that boy._

Leia pulls away from him rather abruptly, and would have fallen but his hands catch her wrists, lowering her back into the other chair. The general slumps forward slightly, her hand covering her sweaty forehead. And then, one word leaves her lips that makes his body light on fire. 

_"Lisat."_

Finn swallows hard. "Ma'am?" 

Leia held up a hand and scooted her chair backwards, reaching for her private radio again. "I cannot promise anything. I never even _thought_ \- oh stars. Just, just be quiet for a second, okay?" 

Finn nodded and slowly stood to stand at her side and her small hands worked with ease over the dials. There's a crackle of electricity, followed by a thrum of static. And then a voice comes over the airwaves, low and rumbling and oh, so familiar. _"You better have a good reason for contacting us, Leia."_

Leia's points back to her desk chair and Finn staggers into it. The tears are coming again, and they fall softly off of his chin and onto his lap. Leia smiles, resting her elbow against the table. "I do, Suya." 

_"Make it quick then."_

Finn's heart is ready to fly right out of his chest, it's beating so fast. He fights back more tears, more sobs, but they still come.

_He's hearing his father's voice for the first time._

"You and Astris were carrying on your father's work in finding cures for various diseases -" 

_"That's hardly old news to anyone who knows of our existence, Leia. What cure are you looking for?"_

Leia bites down hard on her bottom lip. " _Bloodburn._ Do you...do you have it?" 

Silence follows for what feels to be a century. And then - and _then --_ " _Yes, we have it."_ Leia gasps and seems to sag in her chair, all the fight draining from her body. _"Astris finished her trials eighteen standard months ago and they are a complete success. We want to send it out but whoever requires it must come to us. We will not pull down our force shields. Who do you have that's sick?"_

Finn pushes his chair all the way to the back of the room, hands covering his mouth to stem back the sobs. "My commanding pilot. His case is advanced. He has maybe...a week? Is that going to be trouble?" 

" _No. But you will have trouble getting him here. Have your pilot be put into an induced coma, lower his heart rate, lower his pulse, lower his body temperature. Because of his case being advanced, his body will not be able to withstand the changes in the atmosphere on the trip over. He has to be..._ dead _in a certain way."_ Leia flinched so violently she nearly dropped the microphone. _"Do you understand?"_

"Yes I do." 

_"Good. Have a small team accompany him with at least one medical professional, and we will expect the arrival in two days."_

"Copy that. And Suya?" 

_"Yes General?"_

"Thank you." 

As soon as Leia ends the radio call, Finn lowers his hands and begins to weep. Leia's quickly gets up and out of her chair, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him tight against her chest. "That's right, you let it out. Let it all out. It's okay. It's _okay."_ She pressed her lips to the top of his head, murmuring soft apologies against his hair. "Finn, I am so _sorry._ I never even considered that your family could still be alive. When children are taken, their families are killed. I never even _thought -"_

Finn pulled away, wiping at his face with his sleeve. "How was I taken?" 

Leia gulped. "Astris and Suya Elin were very young when I met them. They were both deep into their schooling and they are now -" she laughs at the irony of it. "Research scientists. Which explains -" she waves a hand up and down. 

"Why I didn't want to do the same thing Rey is," Finn finished softly for her. 

"I don't know how you were taken, Finn. The last I spoke to Suya and Astris - they had reported their son had _died._ They had three other young children and I didn't even think that -" 

" _Other_ children?" Finn interrupted. "I have...I have siblings?" 

Leia nodded, a watery smile crossing her lined face. "Yeah, love. You have siblings." 

* * *

Kes always knew this day would come, one way or another. 

He'd have to go and claim his son's body, to bring him home and bury him next to his mother. 

There was still time. Only a few days, and Poe would not even know who he was. Shara didn't at the end. But he could still hold his son once more, tell him how much he loved him and hope that wherever his little boy was, he could hear him. 

The A-wing eases carefully onto the landing strip once he was given permission to land. He's guided into the hangar and once he climbs out, he's greeted with the smiling face of Jess Pava. Well, she certainly looks happy for some odd reason. 

Before Kes can even say a word, Jess is grabbing his arm. "Nice to see you, Sarge. Don't bother grabbing your bag, we'll have that put on the Falcon for you. Come along with me." 

Kes stammered, struggling lightly when Jess begins to drag him along. "What's happening, Pava? Is it -? Is it over?" 

Jess beams at him over her shoulder. "Not by a longshot, Sarge. Come along. The General will explain everything." 

They run through the exit doors of the hangar and into the main base, jogging along the compound to where medbay awaits. Jess leads him through the long hallway to the private rooms, where the door to his son's room is wide open and filled with people. Leia's nearest to them and he falls into place beside her. His son is still in the bed, a young man standing over him with Kalonia at his right. "Easy now, Finn. There you go." 

Finn eases the needle into Poe's IV and before Kes's eyes, he watches as his son's heartrate begins to slowly drop. "What are they doing?" 

"They're putting him into a deep medicated coma," Leia explains. "So he can survive the journey." 

Kes's head whipped around to look at Leia. "The journey where?" 

Leia's hand closes around his wrist and yanks him back out of the room and a few meters down the hallway. "Lisat." Kes stares. "I spoke to Graem Elin's son. His wife has developed the cure for bloodburn. Astris finished the trials eighteen months ago. It's a complete success and they will give it to Poe but we have to bring Poe to them." 

"Naturally," Kes agrees. "Their planet is so heavily protected that -" 

"Exactly. So Finn and Kalonia are putting Poe into the coma so his body can withstand the changes in the atmosphere. You, Finn, and Finn has chosen two other people who will be flying out on the Falcon." 

Kes couldn't help the startled laugh that turned into a small sob. "My boy - my baby's not going to die?" 

Leia smiled through her own tears and she tugs him into her arms. "He's not going to die." 

When they went back into the room, the silence was heavy. Kalonia's murmuring instructions to Finn as he continues to work. The roles had definitely shifted, Kes can see that. Finn's hands move with ease and grace. Kes could hardly believe that he used to be a stormtrooper. But then again...if his son's letters were anything to be believed, it was not so much of a stretch. Finn's touches are soft, but sure, and even without Force sensitivity, Kes can feel the deep, consuming love that is there. It reminds him of Shara. 

_Stars_ , he misses her. 

"All right, we're ready." Kalonia hits a button on what Kes can see is a mobile monitor and there's Poe's heartbeat. It's slow. So slow. But it's there. She waves at someone to Kes' right and Jess and two other pilots are suddenly there. They and Finn each settle on the side of Poe's gurney and lift him up with ease. Kes steps out of the way, falling back to see two women following, both in traveling clothes and carrying duffels. Those must be -- _Rey and Rose._

They move after the team, Kes' eyes remaining glued to his son's curly hair, and through the compound. Dozens of people are gathering in groups, some with tears in their eyes, some giving rough nods and wishes of good luck. Kes swallows the lump in his throat, amazed but then again, _not_ at how much his son is truly loved. "What do they know?" 

"That we've found prospective treatment for Poe. The only ones that know the truth are those three people right there," Leia points to Finn, and to Rey and Rose. "Finn will tell you everything once you're in the air." 

The hangar is eerily silent except for their footsteps. The people gathered - it's a sea of orange and white. Kes recognizes Snap and Kare, who both wave at him. Iolo and C'ai. Elari and Wick. So many people. 

When they board the Falcon, Poe is brought to a sleeping quarters and eased onto a bunk. Finn hooks up the monitors to the wall. "You're not coming?" Kes asks, even though Leia just told him. 

Both Leia and Jess shake their heads. "Someone's got to stay behind and run the resistance," Jess smiles. She kisses Poe's forehead and hugs Finn, turning to Rey and to Rose to do the same to them. "Good luck. Be safe. Come along, BB-8." 

The little droid that Kes had not noticed until now, squeaks out a reply and bumps itself against Rey's leg. She pats it's little round head. "Don't worry, you're going to be hanging out with Snap, not Jess. Snap's good with droids, he's not as destructive with them as Jess is." 

"I heard that!" BB-8 obeys, casting one forlorn beep in Poe's direction before rolling off the ramp. 

Jess and the medics clamper off and into the hangar. Rey touches Rose's shoulder and moves to the front. She must be piloting this bucket of bolts. Rose whispers something to Finn that Kes can't hear and the older man is sure his knees are about to give out. Leia pushes him at a chair and looks at Finn. 

"Good luck. And may the Force be with you." 

And then she's gone. There's a whirring sound and as the light swallows Leia up, the door closes behind her. Kes realizes he's alone with his boy, and the boy his boy loves. Rey's saying something and the pounding in Kes' head clears enough to hear her bellow, "Lift off in, _three...two...one."_

There's a huge blast of energy, and Kes feels his stomach drop. They're in space.   
  
.

.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arrival on Finn's home planet, and Poe's treatment begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Small trigger warning - two panic attacks are featured within this chapter.

.

.

.

No one speaks for nearly six hours. 

Sure, there's noise in the ancient but endearing bucket of bolts. There's the occasional beeping of the navigation system. Rose's footsteps padding down the corridor to their sleeping quarters to wordlessly offer them food that they both turn down. Finn highly doubts he could keep anything down anyway. There's the slow but steady thrum of Poe's heartbeat on the mobile monitors hooked to the wall, and that's the only thing Finn really hears. The only thing he can hang onto right now. 

Finn emits a soft sigh as he lowers the end of the stethoscope. He had taken to listening to Poe's lungs nearly ever thirty minutes since they had taken to the sky. "You're restless." 

Finn looks up, pulling the rubber tips out of his ears. "Sorry?" 

Kes lowered the book in his hands. An old flying manual that he had found, it’s pages weathered and dog-eared from years of people flipping through its contents. “When Poe was small, he'd get terribly restless. Especially when his mother was away. He'd pace and pace and pace, and then there was one time --" Kes laughs softly, eyes gazing at something that Finn cannot see, lost in the memory. "- one time he swore to me that he could spread his wings and fly." Finn's mouth ticks up in a smile, his thumb stroking at the pulse point in Poe's wrist. "So he somehow managed to get up on the roof -" He grins when Finn huffs out a laugh, his eyes lightening. "Luckily, I caught him in time before anything happened. But his mother -" Kes wipes his sleeve across his eyes. "His mother thought it was hilarious. She didn't have the heart to punish him and she took him up in her A-wing the following day." 

"That sounds like him," Finn cannot help but agree. "When I met him -" He stops. He has no idea how much information Poe had given his father about Jakku, if anything at all, and he didn't feel right breaking Poe's trust in him. 

But then -- "Jakku?" Finn nodded numbly. "I knew about that. Leia told me the details and Poe gave me the footnotes. I did get the report of the mission, I had to ask for it because -" Kes waved a helpless hand in his son's direction. "Because I knew I wouldn't get the whole story." His eyes cut to Finn's. "Tell me about him." 

"W-what?" 

"Tell me about my son."

* * *

Rose's knife slides into the moonfruit with ease, cutting off small, even chunks that she left on the paper plate in front of Rey. "Eat." 

Rey looked up from the holovid that was playing on mute in front of her. "Huh?" 

Rose gestured at the sliced fruit. "Eat. You haven't eaten since last night. It's not like you." 

Reaching for a piece, Rey flashes her a suggestive smile. "Trying to tell me something, Tico?" 

Rose rolls her eyes, giggling when Rey uses the force to tickle her side. "Hey! Not fair!" She leans in. "I'll have to do it the old fashioned way." A noise of surprise leaves Rey's lips when Rose's mouth closes over hers, the holo clicking off and forgotten. When they both need air, Rose whispers against her lips, "You okay?" 

The sigh that leaves Rey seems to deflate her whole form and she leans in, resting her head on her shoulder. "To tell you the truth, Rosie...I'm exhausted.." She throws a thumb over her shoulder towards the corridor where the men are tucked away. "I noticed the day before yesterday...I feel everything that Finn feels - not his pain -" she quickly adds at the look of horror on Rose's face. "No, no, no I don't feel that. We would have to be force bonded for me to feel that. I, uh, I'm feeling his grief. His fear. And I don't know why." 

There's a beeping on the dashboard and Rose silences it. "Is this common within force sensitive people? To have a bond that's like a force bond but not quite?" 

"I don't know," Rey leans further down until her head is in Rose's lap. "He's stronger than me in so many ways and I just feel so...drained by it." 

"Speak to Leia about this when we get back. Or Luke." Rose's fingers work at the base of Rey's skull, gently pushing into the pressure point at the top of her spine. Rey lets out a moan that is absolutely sinful and it goes right to Rose's gut. "Don't do that." 

"Do what?" Rey grins rather innocently and Rose smacks a kiss to the top of her head. "I hope Lisat is everything Finn has been looking for." 

"I didn't even know he had been looking. He's been so busy with his medical training." 

"He has," Rey agrees. "It would be rather wonderful if he stayed on Lisat. If the Elins were everything he could ever want in a family." She cannot help the tiny spur of jealousy that takes hold in her stomach. "I always thought that he'd got to Yavin Four with Poe once the war was over." She turns her head to blink up at Rose. "Tell me about it again. Your home." 

They move over to the bench where there's a little more room to stretch out, their positions reversed with Rose resting her head in Rey's lap. Talking about her home planet had always been difficult with anyone else, even with Paige. But with Rey, it was easier. Rey understood loss, and being caught in an endless desolation that felt unescapable. So she never asked about what had happened after the First Order landed on their lands for the first time. She asked about before. The nights that she and Paige would chase each other through the waist high greens of the farming vegetables, chasing firebugs to put in their mother's jelly jars. Rose always managed to accidentally kill hers before she could set them free, but Paige never did. Paige was perfect. Always perfect. And Rose loved her even more for it. 

That day that was supposed to be a simple supply run, Rose had been in the command center alone. One of the comms had gone down and Statura had asked her to give it a go at fixing it before they decided to put a new one in. To this day, she wished she had turned the admiral down but then…

When Poe came back alone, Rose avoided him. Paige had teased her unmercifully that Rose must have had a bit of a crush on her boss, and maybe Rose did but not in the way that her sister meant. (Poe had the wrong bits for one thing.) She admired the older man for joining up when he did, rising through the ranks and fighting the good fight to make the galaxy a little safer. Rose dreamed of finding that kind of balance too, and yes _maybe_ she followed Poe around like a puppy dog to just get a sense of his confidence. _Kriff,_ she wanted to be like that, to let nothing shake her at all. Her Paige was like that. 

Rose always had Paige to follow around, to look up to when the going got tough. And now Paige wasn't here anymore and she knew - she _knew_ she had to continue on. No matter how hard it was. But as long as she did, her sister continued on as well. 

Peace came in many different ways after that. Loving was easy. When she kissed Rey for the first time, she felt like she had jumped feet first into a blaze of warmth and oh, gosh, this was so _easy._ She understood it now, what her mother used to say to her after Rose would watch her and Dad dance away to romantic tunes on the holo. " _It's easy to love, my little Rose. It's hard to let it go. So don't, unless you have too."_

She didn't have to. And she never would. 

* * *

The radio crackles, jarring both women out of their dozes. Rey gently lifts Rose's head from her lap and moves back to the console. "Hello, this is the Millenium Falcon, asking for permission to land on Lisat's airstrip." 

_"State who you are within the next ten seconds or we will be forced to shoot you down. Ten, nine, eight -"_

Rose's heart jumped into her throat. Rey's frowning into the microphone. "D'Qar base, Resistance. Identification numbers are Three, Six, Niner, Alpha, Charlie, Mike, Six, Four. Requesting permission to land on Lisat's airstrip. We have Commander Poe Dameron on board. Our general has already established a trade for medical treatment from Doctors Suya and Astris Elin." 

There's nothing but static for a second and Rose feels like she's going to pass out from anticipation and a choke of fear. And then - _"Permission granted."_

Rey glanced out the front window. "I don't see you. How will I know --?" 

_"You'll now. Keep flying your trajectory, D'Qar. You'll see it."_

Rey cast a glance over her shoulder at Rose, who shrugged. They settled back into their seats and Rey moaned. "I wish we could have brought Chewie. He'd know - _oh my gosh."_

She has never seen anything so beautiful in all of her life. 

As they descend downward, the force shields appear. They expand out as far as the eye can see, shimmers of color sliding through the endless expanse. Colors that Rey had never even seen before. She felt like that she had slid into the Force herself, and this was just a dream, a beautiful dream of comfort and warmth and a place where nothing could go wrong, ever again. 

"What do you see?" Rose whispers at her left. "I can't see it." 

"You will in a moment," Rey's hand pressed down on the gear shift and the Falcon tipped forward just slightly. The Force shields glimmered and danced lazily in front of them, a pulse of energy surrounding their entire existence. Rey could feel the safety radiating from it, and oh, she felt so strong. But it wasn't anything like she had had any experience with before. This wasn't Kylo's darkness or even the Luke's hold between both of their balances. This was pure light. This was _Finn._

The energy swallows them up. 

And a whole new world appears. 

Rose gasps and Rey smiles. "You see it now?" 

_"Yes."_

The city that lies below is...breathtaking. Rey can see buildings that stand as high as the sky themselves, many shades of color that Finn had described to her as _violet_ blaze up the sides and shine like gems in the sun. Little ships dance past her, as well as winged creatures that are nearly as big as the ships themselves. Rose gasps, a sweet little sound, when a bird flies past their window, it's feathers dusted with streaks of gold and sapphire. 

"Can you feel it, Rose?" Her fingers are burning on the console, the heat of the Force pulling her in. "Can you feel it?" 

There's a light to her left, the signal from the airstrip for her to land. Rey nudges the Falcon forward, beginning it's descent down. Rose gets up and moves to the back to Poe's quarters, returning a moment later with Finn beside her. "You have to see this." 

Rey glances up at Finn, seeing his face drawn and exhausted, but his eyes - oh his eyes - are _alive._ "Finn -" 

"I know, Rey. I know." 

Finn moves backward to sit as they land, guided down by the lights on the airstrip. There's two vehicles right at the end of the runway, one large and covered and white. Rey guesses that that is the transport to the medical wing. Once they are safely on the ground, Finn jumps up and disappears in the back again and Rey lowers the ramp. A woman stands at the end of it and waits for permission to enter, only stepping up and onto the ship when Rey nods. 

The woman is about Rey's height, with dark hair pulled into a braid and oh _stars_ those eyes. 

_Finn's eyes._

Rey doesn't even have to feel through the force to know that this is a member of Finn's family. 

"Captain Tico? Rey? I'm Dr. Maye Elin, I'm here with my team to take Commander Poe Dameron ahead to our hospital." 

Extending a hand towards the back corridor, Rey feels her shoulder bump against Rose and she probably would have fallen down if Rose's arm didn't slide around her waist. She had never felt this much force energy at once before, and she half wondered if she was about to pass out from the heaviness of it. Rose seems to read her mind, breathing in her ear, "Meditate later, balance yourself." 

Rey nods, her chin scraping against Rose's lips. 

_Finn, they're on their way back for Poe._

To her surprise, Maye stays back and lets the medics go ahead with the hover gurney. A brief flare of panic slides up Rey's spine, and a heartbeat passes before she realizes that it's not her own. 

The hovergurney comes back out of the quarters and down the corridor, Poe wrapped in blankets with an oxygen mask covering his face. One of the medics is holding onto the mobile monitors. "We're loading him onto the ambulance, one of you can ride with us. Sergeant Olis will guide the rest of you there." 

Finn nods. "Go ahead, Kes." 

Kes nods and falls into step by his son's unconscious form, following the medics down the ramp and out onto the gravel airstrip. Maye looks at them, her eyes resting on Finn a little longer. "I'll see you at the hospital in a few minutes." And then she's gone too, quickly following her team. 

Olis is a young man, most likely in his late twenties with long sunset pink hair pulled back into a very intricate braid that Rey cannot help but admire. He smiles warmly at the three of them when they walk up to his vehicle, but Finn seems to not take notice, his eyes remaining trained on the rapidly shrinking ambulance as it disappeared down the road. "Welcome to Lisat. Hop in, we'll get going." 

Rey climbs into the backseat with Rose, wrapping their hands together. She can feel the binds with the Force in every step that she takes, but this is so different then anything she has ever felt before. The brief times she had trained with Skywalker, he had instructed her to find that balance between Light and Dark and she had. The Light was what pulled her in, it was where she belonged but she would always sense the Darkness. It would always be a part of her. But maybe that was what Luke had meant. They all had different places within the force and Finn was miles ahead of her, into the incredible warmth of the Light. She chose the Light, she always would choose the Light. But to Finn, there was never a choice. He just...was the light. 

* * *

The ambulance stays within sight through out the whole journey. Finn barely pays attention to the passing city, unable to pull his mind back from what lies ahead. The force is burning within him, his hands are on _fire._ Rose is murmuring at Rey about her hands being hot and Finn knows. He just knows. 

There's so much here that he never even expected and they are not even within the city yet. 

"Is the whole planet...like this?" 

Olis doesn't need to ask for explanation. "Yes. Nearly the whole population is one with the force. It takes some adjusting, especially if you are not a native of Lisat." 

"How long does it take?" Rey asks. 

"Depends on when you allow yourself to actually work with the Force." Rey bristles at the remark and Finn hides a smile. Olis chuckles, glancing in the rearview mirror. "I'm not downgrading your powers, girl. I'm sure you are quite special, I can feel that. But what we have here is different." He looks at Finn out of the corner of his eye but says nothing else. 

The vehicle takes a sudden right hand turn down a short pathway, and into a tunnel. At first they are traveling in deep black, and Finn shifts nervously in his seat, only to be nearly blinded by soft violet light so like the streets above. They're going underground. 

The tunnel leads on and on, an endless stream of purple and white light. And then it stops, moving out into the largest hangar that Finn has ever seen. The ambulance is there, coming to a halt as well. Finn spies a large lift on the other side, it's doors open and another team of people dressed in white and grey there waiting. Their arms open and accept Poe once he's off the ambulance and before Finn can say a word, the elevator doors shut and they have taken him away. 

He stumbles from the vehicle when Olis kills the engine, strong hands snapping around and pulling him so he doesn't crash to the marbled floor. "You okay, kid?" 

Finn gasps out a reply that is garbled to his own ears and half leans on Kes's chest. Olis slides out of the vehicle and holds up a small plastic bag. "The docs had these made for you." Out of the bag comes five thick pieces of plastic and he passes them out. Finn looks down to see it's an identification badge with numbers on it, as well as his name and photo. "And also these." Five more cards come around. "There's five hundred credits loaded onto each. Let us know if you need more but." 

"Thank you so much," Rose examines her card. "This is so generous." 

Olis shrugs. "I didn't do it, the docs did. Anyway, keep those IDs on you at all times. You can go anywhere on this planet as long as you have them. Later on we'll get your finger scans and have all of you registered as temporary Lisat citizens so those IDs won't be necessary anymore." 

"You're certainly thorough," Kes remarks. 

"Come on," Olis directs them towards the elevator. "I'll take you up." 

* * *

They're left in a large, white room with several comfortable looking chairs and a table in the center covered in fruits and pastries, with a large self warming pot of coffee. A large pane of glass takes up half of one of the wall's and when Rose takes a peek through it, she gasps. " _Finn -"_

It's a hospital room, not too dissimilar from the one's on the D'Qar base. A bed rests on the opposite side, and there's a splash of dark hair contrasting against the crisp white pillow. Med droids whirl about, easily darting between nurses and medics and he can see Maye there too, taking notes on her data pad. Poe is blocked almost completely from view and Finn stands on his tiptoes to get a better look. 

"These must be his vitals." Rey's gazing at three monitors that are stacked on the wall, showing an incredibly low heart rate and blood pressure level, beeping away in a merry little fashion. 

"Maye's coming," Rose whispers, and true to her word, the young woman from the Falcon slips through the door connecting the two rooms together. 

Kes pushes against Finn's shoulder and he slumps down into one of the chairs, his knees trembling so hard they knock together. "Sit down before you fall down, son." Maye watches him for a moment, her lips pursed and _kriff,_ who is she? The force is almost shouting at him, telling him that he knows her but - 

"Walk me through this, Maye," he says, surprising everyone with his outburst, including himself. 

Maye blinks, and moves past Rey and Rose to sit beside him. Kes settles down to the right of Finn and leans forward to listen. "They're stabilizing Poe first. He has to have a normal blood pressure and a normal heart rate to withstand the treatment." 

"How long does that take?" Kes asks. 

"It's different with every person," Maye admits. "But with someone like Poe, it should take about two hours." 

Rose leans against the wall, her arms folded. "What happens then?" 

"Then once his stats are level, the first round of the cure will be administered. This is a process that will take several hours to a few days, depending on how his body reacts." 

"What's the best case scenario?" 

Maye's hand comes up, hovering above Finn's arm. "By this time tomorrow morning, the cure is fully administered and Poe is stable."   
_And the worst case_ … Finn jumps in his seat, feeling the flicker of heat from Maye's fingers that don't even touch his skin. _Maye's with the force._ He cannot help the words that fall over his lips then, hating himself for even thinking about himself when -- "...who are you?" 

The young woman blinks, her eyes so like his own filling with tears. And then he sees her. The little girl from his dreams. "My name is Maye." _I'm your sister._

* * *

The monitors beep on the wall. 

Someone had pulled the shades down on the window. Finn couldn't find the energy to be mad about that. He had done the same thing several times back at base, to cover his and Kalonia's struggles for a patient from the prying eyes of friends and family. 

So he focuses on the monitors. 

He knows Kes is doing the same. 

Rey is meditating, hovering three feet off the floor with her hands resting on her thighs. Rose watched her from her perch in another chair, her short legs tucked underneath her and eyes soft with love and affection that Finn can feel from where he is. The same thing he feels for the man in that room, only he's been too scared to admit it. 

Kes Dameron knows. Finn suspects that he always knew. But the moment that he spilled his guts on the Falcon about that day on the Finalizer, Finn could see something settle within the older man's mind. _Relief._ Fear. _Joy._ Pain. 

So many things that would never truly make sense even in this world. 

The heart monitor lets out a low moan. Finn's eyes flicker to the numbers, watching as they begin to climb just slightly. 

"That's good, right?" 

"Yeah. That's very good." 

Rey comes out of her trance, settling down into the squishy armchair next to Rose, her feet in Rose's lap. Her gaze flickers between the covered window and back to the monitors. There's another beep, followed by a graceful little whine. The systolic numbers of the blood pressure have hopped up from forty-five to sixty and the diastolic numbers have risen to forty. Fingers dig into Finn's arm and he doesn't flinch, unable to tear his eyes away from the glowing blue hue of the monitor. 

There's another beep, this one a little sharper. Something deep within Finn's chest begins to loosen and he can suck in an even breath for the first time. "Oxygen level is going up."

And higher and higher the numbers go, the beeping getting louder and louder but not to an alarming extent. The minutes turn into hours, but time doesn't really have a meaning anymore. Rose falls asleep on Rey's shoulder, Kes dozes to Finn's right, his body turned in a way that is ready to spring up at a moment's notice. Rey doesn't sleep, and neither does Finn. Even here, even in this small room with nothing in it except four walls and one door, the energy of the force encases them and pulls them in. Finn allows his eyes to fall closed, his eyes still trained towards the sounds of the monitors and allows the force to encase him the tenderest of warmth.

Many colors dance in front of his eyes, much like the ones he had seen outside, but he feels the heat of the violet and the comfort of the white, much like the time Rey had activated her new white light saber for the first time. There's the feeling of Rose's delighted laughter as she watched the woman she loved wield her weapon, becoming one with the Force in a different way then most. Poe hadn't stiffened beside him like Finn had expected, but rather had stepped out into the clearing where Rey was, holding out his hand. She had handed him the handle and his thumb had slid down over the button on the side. There was a click and the white light had spread out in front of them, shining so bright like a beacon in the darkness. And for the first time in forever, there was no fear in the night. 

* * *

Finn hears the final thrumming whine of the monitor before his brain allows him to register Maye's voice. 

His sister - his _sister -_ stands at the doorway, dressed in magenta scrubs. "We're starting the treatment now. Would one of you like to come in?" 

Kes is pushing him out of the chair and towards the door. "But --" 

The older man shakes his head. _"Go."_

His knees are knocking together, his fear palpable but then they are through. The team of medical professionals is still gathered around Poe's bed, and when he turns his gaze towards the monitors, healthy, strong numbers and vitals blink back at him. Poe's skin is not the ashy, grey color it had been before, and his chest rises and falls with even breaths. The oxygen mask is gone, replaced by a simple nasal cannula. There's another door opposite of the bed and it's opening, and Finn's mother walks through. 

Finn feels like he had fallen back into one of his dreams and he's suddenly filled with such an intense longing that he feels weak at the knees. She catches his eyes for a moment and there's a surge of energy that flows between them, brilliant and bright and gentle and warm. There's a nurse behind her pushing a cart with a tray of vials filled with bright sapphire liquid. "Can someone get Finn a gown? Finn, if you could stand over there by the window. And if you want to lift the shade up so Poe's dad and your friends can watch, go ahead." 

Finn does as he's told, and Maye hands him a gown the same color as her scrubs that he eases on over his clothes. Kes's worried face is the first thing that he sees once the shade is up, Rey and Rose joining the frame. He turns his back, arms folded in front of his chest as the tray is brought around to Astris' right side. She pulls gloves on over her hands and looks over at him. "All righty everyone, let's begin." 

"How long does this usually take?" Finn suddenly blurts out. "How long is the process?" 

Astris smiles softly. "It depends on the patient, Finn. We will give the first injections now, and what happens after is we wait to see if there is going to be a rejection." 

"Rejection?" 

"Much like when someone is given a new organ. We do not know right away if his body will accept the treatment." The nurse hands her a prepared syringe. "This first one will take fifteen minutes." 

The needle goes into the tubing at the end of Poe's IV, and Finn can see the light blue serum slide up into the rubber casing. Maye is suddenly beside him, her energy blending with his own and he feels the merest blend of calm slide over him. 

Those fifteen minutes are absolutely endless. But they end. 

The next vial is administered in the opposite arm, in the opposite IV. That one takes thirty minutes. When the third injection is administered, Finn sags against the wall, his breath held for the forty five minutes it takes for the medicine to slide in and course through Poe's body. A holo lights up above the bed to show the image of the human body and he watches as the hot spots of the serum make their appearance into the veins. 

It's working. 

"This is the final injection we will give today. Then tomorrow morning we will administer the second round. Poe's body needs a chance to rest, giving him the complete serum at once would cause an immediate rejection." 

Finn nods at nothing in particular. The last vial goes in, and this one takes nearly two hours before it's status is complete. The word itself appears on the holo, blinking loud and blinding across the image of the body before the holo folds back into itself and disappears. Astris strips her gloves off and a med droid pushes the tray out of the room. "What's happening?" 

"Aftercare," Maye whispers. "Watch." 

Astris lays her hand on Poe's right arm and her fingers glow just slightly. The IV needle comes out and Poe sucks in a deep breath, but his eyes don't open. She does the same on his left arm and he breathes again, his chest rising and falling heavily. "What --?" 

"She's using the force to heal his arms and -" Astris' fingers brush over Poe's forehead and Finn can feel the energy she sends out. "- and he will sleep peacefully tonight." Maye turns to the window and flicks a thumbs up to the people on the other side of the glass.

Astris looks around at them, her eyes tired and soft. "The four of you are welcome to stay. Maye, can you make sure their quarters are set up?" 

"Already have, Mom." 

"Good." Her gaze flickers to him. "F-Finn, do you --?" 

"Yeah. Yeah I know." 

She nods, swallowing loudly. Finn feels like he should be squirming in front of her, because he really should. He feels like he's six years old again and the whole world has just imploded. And it did but now, _now,_ it's finally coming back together. He reaches out first and she accepts his hand in hers, her fingers thick with calluses from so many hard hours of work. He holds her hand tightly, briefly, giving it a squeeze. "Thank you." 

Astris breathes out. "Of course." 

Then they let go.

* * *

The second round of the serum comes after those six hours. 

They are all booted from the room, and this time Kes stays behind. Maye's at Kes' side, her words quiet and murmuring as she explains the process to him. Once it's over, they go back inside and each take to corners of the room again. The nurses and droids take no notice, easily moving around them as they come in to take vitals and administer other medications. Finn jumps when a med droid pokes his arm with it's probe, the tiny metallic fingers flickering in front of Finn's face as the little light scans him. [ Fever of 100 degrees. Blood pressure elevated and you are in the beginning of dehydration. You need rest and you need fluids. ]

Finn scowls. "I'm fine." 

"No you're not," Rey snaps from the other side of the room, swatting at another droid doing the same thing to her. "We're all sick and exhausted and we're going to do no good for Poe when he wakes up if we remain in these conditions. He'll be visiting _us_ in here." Finn can see the sheen of sweat on her forehead. 

[ There's are two empty rooms next door, ] Finn's droid informs them. [ Commander Dameron is well looked after. The four of you need to leave. You need to rest before you all end up as patients in here with your pilot. ]

There's a shuffle towards the door, Rey and Rose leaning heavily on each other as they stumble out, leaving Finn behind with Kes and an annoyed droid beeping at him. "Could you give us a minute, please?" 

The droid blats an angry reply in binary and whirrs out. "Sergeant -" 

"Go rest, Finn," Kes leans over, across Poe's blanket covered legs, and grabs his hand. "You've done so much. Now is the time for you to rest. All of you. _Please."_

Finn hates the way his voice trembles. "I can't -" 

"Yes you can," Kes murmurs. "You can go next door and rest. Poe won't be alone." 

There's a soft hand on his elbow, small and delicate, and it's pulling him up and out of the chair. He tries a few more feeble protests but they fall on deaf ears and Finn is just so _tired._ His vision blurs and another set of hands settle onto the small of his back, supporting him in his hazy shuffle towards the door. The next thing he knows, his face is meeting mattress and a blanket is being pulled over his shoulders. He's pretty sure Rey's kissing his forehead and then he knows nothing more. 

* * *

_Beep, beep, BEEP._

Damn, his eyelids feel like they are glued together. And there's something sharp prodding at the crease of his elbow. Finn struggled to pull away from the pain, curling his body around his arm. 

[ Don't move, or you will tear the needle right out. ]

"What…" Finn rubbed at his eyes, somehow managing to peel them open and immediately regretting it as artificial light cheerfully burned his corneas. "What time is it?" 

[ According to the chrono, it is mid morning. You have asleep for nine hours and no, your partner is not awake yet. ] 

Finn frowned, almost positive that the droid would be rolling its eyes if it had them. "What are my stats?" 

The droid beeped rather aggressively. [ Your fever has receded and your blood pressure is back to normal. How do you feel? ]

Finn considered this for a moment, carefully swinging his legs off the bed and settling his feet onto the floor. There was no question that he could sleep for another twelve hours and still feel as exhausted as he felt now, but his brain was not letting him do that. Glancing down at the med droid he distractedly patted it's head and wandered from the room and down the hall leading towards the main medical area. He comes to a halt at a bay of glass windows and inside he sees Poe, still in his bed, still in the deepest of sleeps. Was the room like this last night? Er, or the night before? Whenever? Shit, he seemed to be losing time. Yeah, definitely gotta get that sleep again. 

Another five seconds pass before Finn realizes he's not alone at the length of windows. "Um, hello?" 

The boy - no not a boy, a young man - turns to look at him and Finn feels it again. That heavy, deep pulling swirl of energy that lights up in a million different little colors within his very soul. He extends his hand and Finn takes it, nearly gasping at the heat that splayed from his palm to Finn's, his fingertips practically burning. "The name's Ravi." 

"Hi," Finn gazed back through the heavy tempered glass, eyes settling on the monitors displaying Poe's steady heart rate. There's a droid checking his other vitals, it's little probing arm scanning over his chest before rolling away. "How much longer until he wakes up?" 

"Should be soon," Ravi shrugs. "Mom says it takes about forty eight hours before the patient is conscious again without immediate rejection." 

_Mom._

There's a gasp and Finn realizes it's coming from him. Ravi is - 

\-- his brother. 

"Hey, do you want to get out of here for a little while? Dameron's well looked after by the nurses and I think your friends should be waking up soon." Finn nods, allowing Ravi to place a hand on his elbow and turn him around. They walk in silence up the archway and to another set of elevators. Seriously, how many elevators were in this hospital? Ravi scans a card in a small slot on the side and the doors immediately open, showing the lift to be blissfully empty. 

As soon as the doors closes, Finn cannot breathe anymore. 

His brother slaps a button on the wall and the elevator comes to a stop. Ravi's hand is gentle but firm on the back of his neck and Finn finds himself sliding forward, his throbbing back pressed against the metal wall and his head down towards the floor as he gasps for breath. 

_In through your nose, and out through your mouth._

_In, out._

_In -_

_out._

To Finn's relief, Ravi doesn't say a word. His hand is still on the back of Finn's neck, the feel of his fingers there rather grounding and Finn doesn't feel like he's going to go face first through the floor anymore. 

_...in_

_out..._

He lifts his head, wiping away the wetness on his face. Ravi doesn't say a word, punching the button on the wall again and the elevator begins to move. 

-;

"Have you eaten anything since you got here?" 

Finn has to seriously think about this. There had been a piece of toast that Rey had threatened him with, and maybe half of a cup of coffee, but he couldn't remember anything else. His stomach had been rolling constantly and he had been afraid he wouldn't be able to keep anything down so food and he had not been the best of friends. 

But now? Now he was _starved._

Ravi seems to read the look on his face, and laughs. "Come on. There's a great little restaurant up the walk. They have the best breakfast pastries you can find this side of the galaxy." 

"Sounds good." 

Now that he's more awake and alert, Finn can actually take in the bustling city around them. When those elevator doors had opened again, the two of them had walked right out onto a busy sidewalk, dozens of people milling about as they went on with their days. Days of peace. 

Oh how he envied them all. 

Fat, fluffy violet clouds danced lazily along the whitened sky, and with a squint Finn could make out four moons resting, each settled into a different position. Finn can see the streams of color coming from them, a moistened mist of gold and ivory that stretch and mix with the fluffy lavender clouds. He begins to feel a little different as the light soaks into his skin - a bit stronger - _happier._

Ravi stays at his right, gently touching his wrist when Finn nearly strides right past the restaurant in question. "Right through here." The main dining room is alive with the chatter of people and the sound resonates against Finn's head. There's a small headache thudding at his temples and he ignores it, following Ravi to the ordering counter. When the young female chef greets them, Ravi flashes a blindingly white smile and Finn cannot help but roll his eyes. "Two cups of coffee, strong, and - how does eggs sound? _("Sounds great.")_ Two plates of eggs and those wonderful pastries you got back there." 

"Coming right up, Rav." 

_"Rav?"_ Finn mouths once the girl had disappeared into the kitchen. 

Ravi blushes. "Shut up." He bumps Finn's shoulder with his own. "Come on there's a table over there." Finn looks down to see a plate of food in his hand. Ravi nudges him again, his own plate balanced against his elbow as he shoves his wallet back into his coat pocket. "No, no, don't worry about it. You'll catch me later," he says when Finn opens his mouth to protest. "Come on, let's sit." 

Finn looks over to see the girl watching them, and waves rather goofily and Ravi half-drags him away. "Thank you!" The girl waves back, a fond smile pulling her lips up. 

They go over to the table and sit, Finn lowering himself into the delicate looking chair. A large, clear window stretches along the whole outer wall of the restaurant. When his fingers brush the glass, Finn feels the softest of buzzing through his skin and judging by the look on Ravi's face, he knows exactly what Finn had felt. The smell of the spices hits Finn's nose and his stomach gives a mighty rumble. He sets to eat. 

The eggs are the most delicious thing Finn has ever tasted and he isn't ashamed to admit that he eats rather sloppily. He's biting into a pastry filled with sweetened fruit when another plate of food appears at his elbow and he manages to shout another thank you to the girl's retreating back before nearly diving face first into it. "How long has it been since you've eaten?" 

Finn lowers his empty coffee cup and Ravi refills it from the full pot that had somehow appeared on their table. "How long since we landed here?" 

"Three standard days." 

"Then four standard days ago. At least anything solid. I think the med droids were giving me nutrients in my IV." 

Ravi winced. "Jeez Finn. Don't do that to yourself. Aren't you supposed to be a doctor?" 

"Aren't I supposed to be older than you? I thought the brotherly lectures came the other way around." 

Ravi stared at him for so long Finn thought he had said something wrong. At long last he whispers, "You know?" 

Finn nodded. "Yeah, I figured it out back at the hospital." Appetite suddenly gone, Finn settles back into his seat. "I just...felt it." 

"You're force sensitive?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm about as force sensitive as a rock." 

Finn snorts. "That's what Poe always says about himself." 

"Do you want me to tell you? About us? All of us?" Ravi hesitates. "You can say no if you're not ready." 

He does. He really, really does. He wants to start filling in those wretched blanks in his mind that his whole body was screaming at him to figure out. To just... _be._ To be Finn, he would always be Finn. But now there was someone else. This whole person that he was and could be again. Could he do that? Could he be what he couldn't remember? 

And would it matter anyway? 

* * *

There's four of them. Four children of Suya and Astris Elin, and Finn is the second born. He was taken at the age of six, a day that Ravi does not remember but had heard the whispers of. Their home, the place where Finn was _born,_ the people here believed that Finn had died - no not Finn. 

_Niata._

His name was Niata. 

"They called you Nate," Ravi had whispered. 

And then it all made sense. 

Finn suddenly couldn't breathe. No, no, no, not _now._ He couldn't have a panic attack right here in the middle of about eighty five people and children - _children!_ There were kids here, happy and healthy and _safe._

Ravi pulled him up out of the seat and half dragged him out the door and into the cool late morning air. "Come on, Finn, _breathe._ You know what to do."

Yeah, he did. He did. 

He pulls in a few breaths, letting them out through his nose, and he can feel his heart rate slowly declining back to it's normal rhythm. "You okay?" 

"Yeah. Yeah I'm okay." 

"Good." Ravi gently grabs his arm. "Come on, let's get out of here." They walk together back up the small hillside to what seems to be a hangar full of hover vehicles and regular wheeled ones. Ravi chooses a blue four seater and hops behind the wheel, waiting for Finn to do the same. "We're going to go pick up Linna from her classes." Linna. His other sister. His _younger sister._

He had a family. 

They drive in silence for several minutes. Finn gazes out the window of the vehicle, at the new world passing them by. Trees dot the roadways, their leaves heavy with violet and gold. White streaks up the black bark of the trunks, joining with the gold and becoming brighter than the sun. The air is crisp, clean, and pure and he breathes it in, his eyes falling closed. "Should I start going by Nate?"

Ravi glances at him, shaking his head. "Only if you want too but - does Nate feel like your name?" Finn's silent. "There you go. Finn's your name. It's the name you chose and it's the one you wear with pride. So we will call you that, as long as you wish for us to." 

For some reason, a large part of him wants to cry. 

He had been with the Resistance for a year. He had been training as a doctor for a year. He had known he was force sensitive for a year. And he had loved deeply and been loved deeply for a year. 

His name was Finn. 

His name was Finn. 

His name was _Finn._

* * *

They arrive in the center of the city and bring the vehicle to a halt in the hangar of a huge brick building. Ivy hangs from the sides, casting a subdued look to the comfort of the building. Ravi clampers out of the craft and leans against the side, waving at someone who says hello and passes by. Finn mimics him, and tries to ignore the curious gazes of the other onlookers. 

"There she is." 

Linna is a physical copy of Maye, only slightly shorter with her hair wild and messy all over her head. She wears a white sweater with blue pants, boots stretched up to her knees, and carries a duffel which must be full of books. At the sight of her brothers, she beams and rushes over to give Ravi a quick hug around the middle. "This is certainly an unexpected surprise! I thought the two of you would be busy this afternoon, I was going to take a ride with a friend." 

"Well we made time for you because you're just so cute -" Ravi rubs his knuckles over the top of Linna's head like she's a lothcat, laughing when she bats his hand away. "Linna, this is Finn -" 

"I know," Linna interrupts, dropping her duffel right on Ravi's foot to throw her arms around Finn's shoulders. Finn staggered against the force of her embrace, clumsily patting on her back and chuckling at the sight of Ravi bouncing on one foot. "It's so nice to meet you at last, Finn." 

He gently detangles her arms from the death grip around his neck and looks into eyes so like his own. "You too, Linna. You too." 

Linna chatters nonstop on the drive back, and Ravi keeps hemming and hawing in a mixture of annoyance and amusement but Finn likes the sound of her voice. Her voice is soothing, rolling over the syllables of her words with ease and delight as she goes over the events of her day and what she is learning in her classes. Apparently their whole family is involved in the medical field, with Linna training to be a nurse and Ravi is a certified field medic. "Something our parents made us do," Linna explains when he asks about it. "We could choose whatever career we wanted when we became of age but we _had_ to have medical training." 

"And we all fell into it, one way or another. I'm a medic but I'm also an engineer. Maye's a rehab specialist but she is also a retired pilot. Drishti's crew still calls her 'commander' even though she hasn't led a mission in two years." 

"That's true!" Linna exclaims with delight. "She should be handling your fella's rehab when he's up and on his feet again. Our sister is the boss, if there is anyone who can get someone back in the sky, it's her." 

"That's good - wait a minute, Poe's not _my_ fella!" 

"Sure, sure," Linna grins, exchanging a look with Ravi in the rearview mirror. "Flies all the way here to the other end of the galaxy to save his life but nope, he's not _your_ fella." 

"That's right," Finn scowls, folding his arms across the warmth in his chest and feeling rather like a pouty ten year old and ignoring Ravi and Linna's shared teasing laughter. "He's not." 

* * *

They drop Linna off at a house that stands three stories high, with white paint and green and purple shutters. There are two hovercrafts parked outside in the driveway and a large tree in the yard that dips down, it's vines swollen with buds of tiny golden flowers. "I'll see you guys later! Bye Finn!" 

He waves at his sister - his _little sister -_ and Linna waves back, carrying her duffel inside and letting the house swallow her up. "Is there where we --?" 

Ravi nods. "We had just moved in when it happened. Linna was born in this house." 

"Where were we born?" 

"Here in Drishti but we lived in an apartment. Mom and Dad had not been elected the governors yet so the income was tighter, especially with them paying off their school bills." 

"Is it like that everywhere?" Finn asks. 

"On peaceful planets, yes. We're boring, to be honest. We have our military, we go out and take part in the Resistance whenever we can, but we have our people to protect. I'll make sure to get you a book later of our politics, it's pretty confusing." 

The vehicle moves forward into the busy streets. They go past dozens upon dozens of little shops and restaurants, back past the one where they had eaten at. He can see that same woman through the window, still working behind the counter, her dark hair falling out of the bun on top of her head. The words fly out of his mouth faster than he can control them. "Who was she? The girl?" 

"Her name is Von. She's my…"

"Girlfriend?" 

"In a manner of speaking. We're actually going to be married soon. You might still be here for the wedding, if you want?" 

Finn beamed. A wedding. There had been a few of them back at base, quick ceremonies that the General officiated herself that would be done on the few spare nights that the galaxy was not coming to an end, which would be filled with drunken partying and a few injuries that Finn would have to fix up in the med bay the following morning. He doubted marriages were anything like that here on Lisat. 

A shop catches his eye. "Wait, can you stop here?" 

Ravi pulls the vehicle over the curb and Finn hops out, trotting inside. The window had a huge array of items on display, and Finn's gaze had been caught by a soft midnight black jacket with what he guesses is the Lisat symbol on the front pocket. "How much for the jacket?" 

"Thirty credits."

Ravi paws into his pocket. "I can -" 

"No," Finn interrupts. "Thank you, but this one's mine." 

Ravi grins and moseys further into the store as Finn pulls the jacket from the hanger and slips it onto his own shoulders. A little bit of a tight fit but he knows it will fit Poe perfectly. He doesn't walk out of there with just the jacket though - he spies a beautiful silver clip that would look wonderful in Rose's hair and a leather wristband that Rey would definitely like. For Kes though, he is not sure. He had barely spoken to the man since they had gotten there but -- 

"Hey, what about this?" Ravi's holding up a book and when Finn looks a little closer he sees that it's an art book, filled with pictures of many different customs and people from planets that had been lost, and planets that were still surviving. There's a section marked _Yavin I-IV_ at the very end. The book gets added to the order. 

He spends about a hundred credits but Finn cannot find it in him to care. This is the first time, the first time he can spoil the people he loves and he's going to take advantage of that. 

They continue on back to the hospital, and Ravi zips the vehicle down that same tunnel and into the hangar. The elevator takes them back up and as soon as the doors open, he spies Rey at the end of the hallway. "What is it? What's happened?" 

Rey's face breaks out into a wide smile. "Poe's awake." 

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo what a ride and there's more to come! Leave reviews and kudos, I really love them. And check my tumblr @jediorgana, I will be releasing edits to show the faceclaims of Finn's family. Thanks lovies!

**Author's Note:**

> Holy moly pizza roll. What a wild ride. 
> 
> So a few things, I took a lot of liberties with the disease of bloodburn. It's from one of the Star Wars novels and there is not much information about it so I just took it and ran wild. 
> 
> Second, again if you are a Reylo/Kylo fan and you made it this far and are about to leave me a bitchy message, please don't. It will be deleted immediately. I put it in the tags and in the beginning of the story that this was not going to be Kylo friendly. 
> 
> Third, this is my first foray into Star Wars since I was eight years old. I'm sure I have a ton of the details wrong, so please forgive whatever mistakes I made. 
> 
> And last but not least, I apologize for leaving BB-8 back on D'Qar. Since Snap is taking over Poe's command, he needs the droid and also I kept forgetting the little guy was there! Sorry! 
> 
> Any feedback/kudos would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much guys.


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